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The Oklahoma Pagan Path, T.O.P.P. Pagan Humor
You may be a TechnoPagan if... If your athame has a SCSI interface... If your OBE's begin with a netsplit... If your priest robes conceal a pocket protector... If you calculate the phases of the moon with Windows '95... If your altar has a keyboard... If drawing down a circle is a POST (power on self test)... If you call the Watch Towers on your cell-tell... If you do most of your correspondence by email and sign off with Blessed Be... If you don't call it a ritual, you call it a Macro... If you end a circle with Ctl-Alt-Del... If you have ever attached ribbons to a May Pole using a staple gun... If you invite the God and Goddess to come online... If you keep a Disk of Shadows (with encrypted backups)... If you participate in online rituals more than you do FTF... If you refer to eclectic ritual as cross-platforming... If your Beltane ritual includes more than one news group... If your candles have batteries... If your cauldron is a crock-pot... If your deities include Murphy and Gates... If your drumming is done on a CD player (pre-recorded)... If your herbs are always mail-ordered (express, overnight)... If your idea of a great retreat has a Computer City, electricity, and a TV nearby... If your incense is by Glade... If your magic wand is a light pen... If your magical name, email address, and online name are all the same... If your magical writing is done in binary code or C++... If your pentacle is made of computer chips... If your technician compains about the wax and incense ash on your motherboard... If, instead of asking what tradition someone comes from, you ask what operating system they run... If your Yule ritual involves defragmentation... If your coven is spread over a 12,000 sq. mi. area... If your Book of Shadows has a 6-digit version number... If you refer to deities using 3-letter acronyms (ODN, LKI, THR)... If you do cord magick with ethernet... If you ritually down your server for Samhain... If your altar cloth is a mouse pad... If, when your quarter candles burn out, the UPS backup system kicks in... If erecting the temple entails formatting more than 4 disks... If casteing the circle changes an (int) to a (float)... If your Star Trek screen-saver signals when your meditation period is over... If your Beltane ritual includes more than one news group... If passing the cakes and ale entails using a /me command... If your search for truth involves regular expressions... If your familiar is a computer mouse... If you draw down the moon using a light-pen... If your cone of power has a surge suppressor... If your tarot cards multi-task... If your daemons collect news for you... If your crystal ball has a horizontal-hold control... If you refer to solitary practice as a stand alone... If you tap into the collective unconscious using Netscape... If your favorite deity has a homepage... If the address of your covenstead begins with http://... and finally, if your circle is a token ring... Well, you just might be a TechnoPagan!
Charge of the Beeotch Listen to the words of the Great Beeotch she who of old is known as Arwen, Inanna, Jaz, Kriselda, Lynna, Raven, Suzi, and Wolfrose, and by many other names, some best left censored: Whenever you have need of anything once in the month, and better it be when it is not my moontime or any other time when I might be tired or already irritable, then shall you gather and adore me, who am Queen of all Bitches. There shall you gather, you who desire to learn the true Art of Bitchcraft, yet have not honed it to razor sharp precision; to these I will teach the esoterism of true bitchiness. And you shall be free from fluff; and as a sign that you are truly free, you shall cite tradition, correct misconception, bad grammar, spelling errors, and demand proper capitalization, and punctuation. For I am educated and can read above third grade level. Keep pure your highest ideal; strive ever towards it and if anyone tries to stop you, smack them hard upside the head. For mine is the determination to succeed and educate the ignorant. I am the Queen Mother Bitch, Who can give the Gift of Joy unto the heart of man or woman if you have not seriously ticked me off. On Earth, I give the Knowledge that to communicate effectively and honestly is no crime; and beyond death, I give peace from the fools who have annoyed you and freedom from those fools and reunion with other great Bitches who have gone before you. And actually, I do demand sacrifice, for behold; Putting up with these twits wears on my nerves. I am the Bitch of All Living and My Ire is poured out upon the Earth when I am grumpy. Hear ye the Words of the Star Goddess: She under Whose Feet all stupid people are Dust, Whose Body encircleth the Universe especially when She is bloated. I, Who am the Bitch Queen of the Earth and the Black Mood amongst the Stars, and the Mystery of why idiots are not drowned in my Waters, and the Desire of the heart of man to avoid Me when I get like this. I call unto thy soul, all ye who would be Bitches: "Arise! And come unto Me!" For I am the Soul of the Bitch, Who giveth Crap back to the Universe: from Me all things proceed, and unto Me all things must return and if they don't get here fast enough, I may hurt something. And before My Face, which is bitchy and known to all gods and men, thine innermost Bitch Self shall be enfolded in the Rapture of the Infinite Bitch. Let My Worship be within the heart that tolerates no shit, for behold: all acts of bitchiness and honesty are my rituals. And therefore let there be bitching and strength, honesty and compassion, honor and humor, mirth and reverence within you. And thou who thinkest to seek for Me, know thy seeking and yearning shall avail thee not, unless thou knowest the Mystery: that if thou are stupid who seekest Me, then thou shalt never find Me. For behold, I have been with thee from the beginning; and I am That which is attained at the end of PMS. Copyright © 2001 Arwen Nightstar and Gwen
Wolfrose, all rights reserved.
Top 13 Reasons to become a Witch
Top 10 Beltane Pick-up Lines 10. "Hey babe, what's your sign? What's it's ascendant? What is your planet alignment in Venus during Cancer's revolving around the Fourth House?" 9. "Read any good Llewellyn Books lately?" 8. "Would you like to come over to my place and widdershins?" 7. "Your feet must be tired because you've been Spiral Dancing in my mind all night long." 6. "Haven't I seen you someplace before in another life?" 5. "Yes, I'm handfasted, but that's not legal marriage." 4. "So, do you draw down the moon here often?" 3. "What's a nymph-goddess like you doing in a circle like this?" 2. "You have the prettiest third eye I've ever seen." 1. "Is that a Maypole in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
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